Thursday, April 21, 2005

 

I Had More Fun At My Grandmother's Funeral or Envy starring Jack Black and Ben Stiller

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS



Quick, tell me, what is was the most unfunny comedy you have ever seen over the past twelve months? I guarantee there would have to be a high percentage of people that would answer 'Envy' to that question. This movie was, quite literally, the worst comedy I have ever seen. I had previously had 'Dodgeball' in the number 1 slot of bad comedies, but there was at least one or two little chuckles in that Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn vehicle of travesty. In 'Envy' we see Ben Stiller and Jack Black as best friends, living next door to each other, working at the same work place. One of them gets an idea for a miracle product to make pet turds just disappear by spraying some weird stuff on it from an aerosol can. The other thinks it's a rubbish idea and stays clear of the investment. Of course, Hollywood movies being what they are, the product is a huge success and Jack Black, the one who ran with idea, gets hugely rich. Ben Stiller slowly fumes and boils away in his growing hatred of Jack's success.
The movie was a waste of ninety minutes. Not at all funny in the least. I don't know what the hell Jack and Ben were thinking. The two of them are usually damned funny.

Friday, April 08, 2005

 

What Happened To My Oldest Friend.

I remember a time when my oldest friend and I were a happy and content pair. From the time I was a little boy, as far back as I can remember, my friend and I would spend many hours each and every day together. I remember when I would race home so I could spend some time with my special friend, we especially loved Saturday mornings. Back in the late seventies and early eighties, were the happiest times for my friend and I. But lately, for maybe half a decade now, we haven't been so happy. I still love my friend, for he/she is still capable of great things, but there has come an evil and greatly insidious force between my television and I.

Back in the late seventies, my early teen years, TV was brilliant. There was such amazing and timeless shows as Battlestar Galactica (with the TV legend Lorne Greene), The Six Million Dollar Man and the spin off The Bionic Woman (Steve Austin is still cool these days), Charlies Angels (to my teen hormones they were goddesses), Chips, Dallas (with evil and always scheming JR), Different Strokes (I can't watch it without cringeing these days, but 'whatchoo talking bout' was always funny when i was a kid), The Dukes of Hazard (the stunts were the real stars of this show), Fantasy Island (who can forget the start of every ep 'The plane, Boss, the plane.), Happy Days (Heeeeeeeyy), Hawaii Five-O (still one of the best themes around), The Incredible Hulk (the cool Bill Bixby and the bad green make-up on Lou Ferigno? how could they miss.), Kojak (gotta love Savalas and his lollypops), Laverne and Shirley (crazy girls and Lenny & Squiggy. Way cool), The Love Boat (crazy and evil Seigfried from Get Smart as Doc), Mork and Mindy (Robin Williams' break), Soap (Billy Crystal's big break), UFO (fantastic British show with what I still think is the best theme music of all time), Wonder Woman (drool drool), Number 96 (one of the best soaps ever produced in Australia). These were just a few of the shows that I enjoyed with my friend as I was growing up in the late seventies and early eighties. Saturday morning cartoons were also better back then, but that is talk for another day really, a whole other kettle of fish.
These days, there are a lot of great shows to be sure, 24, Alias, The Batman, Boston Legal, Cold Case, Crossing Jordan, Carnivale, CSI in all three incarnations, The Dead Zone, Deadwood, Desperate Housewives, Lost, The Bill, Smallville, to name but a few. But, despite the fact that my oldest friend is still capable great things, the evil and insidious black force known as 'reality' TV has reared up its ugly head, marring our relationship.

Good God above.

Why, oh why, in the name of all that is holy and sacred in the multiverse, do the networks, keep on coming out with these wastes of space called 'reality' shows? Why do they seem to be taking precedence over real TV shows? Sure, I can almost understand the high ratings, the pumping out of any old crap in the first couple years of the 'reality' craze. The novelty value alone would've put the ratings up high, but now, after a number of years has gone by, and the novelty has well and truly worn off, they still feel the need to pump these pieces of rubbish out. What happened to the real shows? I don't know about America, but here there has been a number of great shows pushed aside and dropped, being replaced by the likes of Survivor, Joe Millionaire, Idol (both American and Australian), Big Brother, The Biggest Loser, and from what I have seen of the ads what has to be the worst of the lot Super Nanny.

When will the insanity stop and good TV be put back on? Please please please see sense, people, and put these shows in their place (the rubbish tip).


 

The Evil of Modern Television or Get rid of 'Reality' TV

Being an avid TV fan almost my whole life, from the time I was able to reach up and change the channel dial on the set (am I showing my age by admitting I have been around longer than remotes were common?). For the most part television has been a good thing. I kinda think of that Simpsons ep when Homer is calmed only by the presence of the precious television "friend, lover, confidante", at least I think that's the way it went. You know the ep, I'm sure.
But over the past decade or so, an evil and insidious force has rudely intrudued its way into that once great medium. I speak, of course of that darkest of the dark forces known as 'reality' television.
Why, oh why, in the name of all that is holy and sacred in the multiverse, do the networks, in both Australia and America, keep on coming out with these wastes of space called 'reality' shows? Why do they seem to be taking precedence over real TV shows? Sure, I can almost understand the high ratings, the pumping out of any old crap in the first couple years of the 'reality' craze. The novelty value alone would've put the ratings up high, but now, after a number of years has gone by, and the novelty has well and truly worn off, they still feel the need to pump these pieces of rubbish out. What happened to the real shows? I don't know about America, but here there has been a number of great shows pushed aside and dropped, being replaced by the likes of Survivor, Joe Millionaire, Idol (both American and Australian), Big Brother, The Biggest Loser, and from what I have seen of the ads what has to be the worst of the lot Super Nanny.
When will the insanity stop and good TV be put back on? Please please please see sense, people, and put these shows in their place (the rubbish tip).

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

 

You Have Gotta Be Fuckin Kidding Me or What the Fuck Are They Thinking

There is a site that I regularly read www.darkhorizons.com , to see what new movies are coming up and to check on the rumours doing the rounds in the world of movies. I just read something that quite almost made my heart stop in shock and disgust. Not since I first read of Jim Carrey doing Six Million Dollar Man, or that time I thought the net was playing some kind of sick joke on me when I first read that Tom Hanks was playing the lead in The Davinci Code, did I recoil in horror from my computer moniter to such a dgree. I have just read that Justin Timberlake is a very strong contender to be in Die Hard 4, as McClane's son. What the fuck is it with these 'singers' that think they can act? Surely those sorry and sad attempts by Madonna into the movie world are enough to scare Hollywood off from any 'singer' wanting to try their hand at the art. Please please please, stop the bullshit. Stick to what you are 'good' at, all you singers. Isn't it enough to see these sports stars, singers, and five-minute wonders doing quick cameos in sit-coms, quite obviously unable to act their way out of a wet-tissue paper bag. I cannot be the only one that thinks this.

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